Red Rules in the Orange is the New Black Kitchen

Red's Rules from Orange is the New Black

If it’s dirty, clean it.

This is generally a good idea but when it comes to a commercial kitchen, it’s much more than that. Cleanliness in commercial kitchens helps reduce the potential for pests, dangerous situations such as fires, and most importantly, it keeps those eating your food from getting sick. Just wait until the final episode of season one and this will all make sense.

If you don’t belong, get out.

Kitchens are busy. If that doesn’t clear things up, just imagine this combination: Ten to fifteen prisoners in close proximity to large vats of boiling liquid, sharp knives, and a whole lot of attitude. Personally, I’d heed the warning and stay out. Just see how Red handles Officer Mendez, the crooked prison guard in Episode 8: Moscow Mule.

If it’s broken, fix it.

A lesser issue in Red’s kitchen, but important enough to make the list, Red makes it obvious early on that she doesn’t tolerate broken equipment. As a taxpayer, I hope that all the “Reds” of the world feel the same way. In one of the first episodes, the fridge breaks down and Red is forced to cook hundreds of pounds of thawed food. While I’m sure this is quite the momentous prison occasion, let’s keep the prison smorgasbord to a minimum.

If it’s served, eat up.

The name of the game is survival and I’d highly discourage insulting the food you rely on to survive. Let’s consider a scenario I’m sure we can all relate to. You arrive at a boyfriend/ girlfriend’s parent’s home to discover there isn’t a chef in the lot. You don’t insult the food, right? Exactly, you endure it. Prison is like the in-laws house – tread lightly. Just wait and enjoy watching Piper learn the hard way.

If you see the chicken, catch it.

This rule is pretty much uniquely Red’s but in the event that you are near a commercial kitchen with a wild chicken, do catch it. There’s probably never a good reason for this to happen. In Red’s case however, the inspiration lies in her undying desire to cook Chicken Kiev. I may sound like a crazy person right now but check out Episode 5: The Chickening.

Chelsea B. Sanz
Chelsea B. Sanz

Chelsea Sanz has lived in East Tennessee since her family moved here from South Florida just before she started high school. While she initially begrudged her new home state, she eventually realized she had come to not only love it, but to “bleed orange” as University of Tennessee Volunteers fans here like to say. She and her boyfriend Hunter, a trail worker for Great Smoky Mountains National Park, enjoy exploring the nation’s most visited national park and coming up with their own farm-to-table recipes.

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